Nineteen years ago I said, "I do" to a young man who turned out to be more awesome that I originally thought. We stood in the sweltering heat in my grandparent's backyard in front of about 70 people and said the normal vows - for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, yada yada yada... I've thought a lot about those vows lately and though they're full of meaning to just about anyone who repeats them and they've lasted the test of time, I'm pretty sure there are other things I should have said that day that would mean more to both Kris and me, and ultimately, they probably would have made our marriage easier. If I could re-do my vows, this is what I would say:
"I, Joy Kathleen, take you, Kristopher Lee Smith to be husband. I promise to hug you everyday and make you smile all the time. I promise to do things that make you think of me in the most inopportune times and blush while you're in public. I promise to be the kind of wife who will drive you crazy - in the good way and the bad way.
"I will fail you all the time, but I will never stop trying. I will be silly, sexy or silent when I need to be and I will do my best to figure out when those times are without harrassing you emotionally. I will be trustworthy, honest and affectionate. I will not embarrass you in front of your friends or family.
"I will love our kids whole-heartedly and unconditionally because they are the only things that are completely you and completely me, while being completely seperate from us. They are the only things we'll leave behind on this earth that are worth anything. I will hug them and teach them to be silly. I will tell them about Jesus. I will let them make up their own minds about what they believe in faith, political and moral matters. I will do my very best not to completely screw them up. I will remember that you and are I in this parenting thing together and that we create a perfect balance in loving and raising our kids. I will never speak bad things about you to them and I will always help them to know the very best things about you.
"I promise to never run out of toilet paper, hearty meals or midol. I promise to surprise you with mini-vacations and take naps with you in the middle of the afternoon when I have a dozen other things to do. I promise to make sure the dishes are done and the family room is straightened when you walk in the door after work. I promise to make sure you have clean clothes. I promise not to get annoyed when you leave crumbs on the kitchen counter or toothpaste guck on the bathroom sink.
"I promise to laugh with you and to hold you. I promise to do whatever it takes to make our marriage survive all the garbage we'll go through in the next several decades. I promise to never, ever, ever stop trying and putting in effort. I know that sometimes I will feel selfish and undesirable, but I will always put your first. I will not use the excuse that I deserve anything other than our life together - no matter what that life together ever looks like. I will not compare our marriage to other marriages, because ours is absolutely unique.
"I love you, Kristopher, and I will never stop."
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