Well, I succeeded in my clothing fast last month. Well, almost... I made it through August 29, but wasn't organized enough to get my laundry done and caved the last two days. Not bad, though, I think. It became a much more spiritual experience than I anticipated. I was constantly aware, through the entire month, of people who have much less than I do. I certainly found myself being very greatful for the wardrobe I do have. Like I've said before, I'm pretty low-maintenance and low-budget when I comes to my attire. However, there were so many days previous to August when I would look at my closet and say, "Ugh! I hate all my clothes!," or "I have nothing to wear. I need to go shopping!" That point of view has certainly changed. On September 1, when I got dressed I found myself actually overwhelmed by choices. I wanted to wear things that had been hanging untouched for months. The end result is that I'm ready to do a major purge and own a lot less. I've heard before that we wear about 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time. That seems like a waste to me, so I'm going to attempt to pare it down to what is actually needed, with a few bonus items for special occassions. I'll keep you posted.
This month, no coffee. I'm not cutting out caffeine, just coffee. I'm not brave enough to deal with the headaches every afternoon if I go without caffeine.
Now, onto the Great Friends part! I spent yesterday morning (a gorgeous day, by the way) at the park with two amazing women whom I used to work with at First Covenant. We had a blast! They both have 3 year olds and babies. It was beyond delightful to spend a morning visiting, laughing, basking in the sun and catching up on each other's lives. I felt so blessed just being with them. Jaime lives in Folsom, but our friend, Daniella lives in Virginia (on her way to Hawaii in a few months; poor lady...) and was out here visiting family. They are both good mommies. Good mommies in the way I'm pretty sure I never was. The way they interacted, entertained and carried on conversations simultaneously wowed me. They didn't lose their patience or their cool ever. Although I'm very thankful that I'm past the baby/toddler/pre-school phase in my life, I found myself thinking that if I had to do it again, I would be able to pull it off now. I'd just ask them how they do it.
If the devil is in the details, then grace must abound there, too. I feel sometimes like I was never patient enough with my kids when they were little. Maybe it's my personality, maybe it's because I started my family so young, or maybe it's because I really wasn't ever patient. I know I raised my voice too much, didn't read enough stories, didn't built enough lego castles or dress enough Barbies with them. I fed them McDonald's too much, dumped them off with grandparents too often and cried over my constant feeling of failure. Thankfully, there's four of them, so they helped each other out - and me. I told my sister-in-law, Heather not too long ago that God protected me and the kids when they were little. For the first decade I was a parent, I think I was in a daze. Sometimes I worked, sometimes I didn't. There was always stress trying to make ends meet and keep our marriage together. It felt like trudging through mud constantly. Wake up and go, go, go, but always feel like it wasn't good enough or fast enough. I took my first deep breath followed by a big sigh and realaxed for the first time when Colin started first grade. For the first time in over ten years, I could actually be by myself and figure out what Joy looked like, apart from the offspring.
Grace has carried me into the teenage years. It must have. My kids are amazing young people with fabulous, fun personalities. Of course they all have their short-comings (which, of course, I feel like are all my fault...), but they're happy, well-adjusted, affectionate, silly young people.
There are few things in life I enjoy more than watching them grow and mature. When they love each other sincerely and play together, I smile everytime I get to see it. There are still things that I do wrong (I'll blog a list pretty soon), but I think God's got my back. He has so far.
