I was asked that question last night by someone who doesn't bother asking unless he wants to know the answer, so I knew I couldn't paste a smile on my face and flippantly say, "Fine." It was difficult to answer because I spent most of yesterday on the verge of tears. I'd love to ignore it and say it was hormonal, but it's wasn't - it was all real.
I've realized that along with the things I love about being home with my kids come things that I don't love about being home with my kids. I'm not talking about things l knew I would dislike: cleaning the house everyday, listening to squabbling or bored kids. I'm talking about things that never even occured to me. Things like not having my own cash and having to think through my own problems. I guess it never really occured to me that I'd really miss the girls from my office or how annoying the words, "Can I play on the Play Station?" could be.
I know I'm doing the right thing by my kids. At the end of my life I didn't want to look back and know that I was an excellent secretary. I want to be able to look back and know that I raised 4 happy, healthy, well-adjusted people. It's just that this week, I'm finding it a little lonely and not a little tedious. I'm certainly not second-guessing my decision to be a full-time mommy; I'm just venting at the unexpected price I'm paying. I know myself well enough to know that I won't feel like this in a few days... thank God! It's just that I was asked the question last night and knew it was the right thing to answer it, so now it's on my mind.
So, like my friend, I won't ask if I don't genuinely care. How are you today?
2 comments:
Well, I'm pretty sure I know who asked you that question (I think). As annoying as he was sometimes I miss him. When I quit my part-time job in April for the first month I thought it was the worst decision I made. It was sooooo hard, I just didn't know how to adjust. It took about a good month or two before I got into the swing of things as a full-time...ahem.....OVERTIME mommy. I still struggle sometimes - wanting to get up in the morning, put on makeup and nice clothes, get in the car, stop at starbucks (or McDonalds) for some coffee, go sit at a desk, check email, interact with adults (some really annoying ones too), work, then come home and realize how much I appreciate home and family. Now, I've had to learn to appreciate watching the Today show every morning and hang in my pj's til 10am (or all day!). Then take a shower and put on casuals just so Charlie can smear them with her little dirty, chubby fingers later.
You know what I think? Before you know it, all your kids will be in school full time and you will have the day all to yourself till 2 or 3 pm, sitting in your pretty IKEA decorated home office (or corner) working on your next book. I believe in you my friend. And I thank you for sincerely asking me how I'm doing.
Hey!!!! I'm coming to Sactown tomorrow (Friday) and will stay for TWO whole weeks!!!!! We should get together! Should we go have some of those Margarita's at that one place that caused me to call in sick? Oy, my boss wasn't too happy. Remember?
Love you friend! Call me: 928-785-7628. I don't have your number.
It's funny how everything in life is a trade-off, isn't it? To have money of your own, you have to work - which takes you away from your house and family. To spend more time with the family, you give up your job and a little bit of independence.
Mike and I don't have kids but we're already starting to have to balance those types of trades. It can be tough, and I know exactly what you're talking about when you spend a day on the verge of tears - even though you know you're doing the right thing in the long run, that doesn't mean it's always easy.
Next time you want to blow off steam or vent, give me a call - I am less than 10 minutes away...
Post a Comment